he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
