But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
