two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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