It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is the high leading the old right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize