and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
