Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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