I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
4 words: hood of his car
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
