nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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