I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
