he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
