Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
