how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
