You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
