Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
