Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
