Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
