Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
