guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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