party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
