Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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