I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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