Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
