I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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