we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
