I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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