2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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