i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
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Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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