Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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