Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
