Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
