The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
