i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
