office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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