i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
