When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
