We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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