she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You left your phone here
Wait...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
