there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
