I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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