i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
