Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
