My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
