you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
