Even the bartender felt bad for me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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