You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
