My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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