did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
