You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
