Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
