Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
