I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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