i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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