420 ftw
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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