It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
