I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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