He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Houston, we have a blender
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
