Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
