I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
