Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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