I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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