So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And then he peed in my hair
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