And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
