I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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