Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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