he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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